I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
