dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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