im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
