just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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