I can text with my tongue
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
