Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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