fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
