dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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