I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize