There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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