The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
