So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
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If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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