Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
