You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize