Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
