I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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