I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
