lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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