lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
