dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
