He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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