Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
