In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
