Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
