the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I pour the whiskey from now on
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
