i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
