the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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