only you would photoshop your dick
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
