If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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