Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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