her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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