There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
