Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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