The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
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then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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