they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
