i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
