Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
