i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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