the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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