i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
