I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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