sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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