xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
