i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
