Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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