I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
