my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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