I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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