I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
