Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
