i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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