It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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