I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
