omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
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Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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