what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
