As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
