Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
