Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
