I think I won the penis lottery.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
