when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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