her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
