When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
