I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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