What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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