WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
operation harelip BJ is a go
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
